On Sunday night I did something a little out of my comfort zone. I shed my clothes and my vulnerabilities and went along to a nude yoga class with the beautiful Rosie Rees.
I stepped into the experience with more excitement than fear. Leading up to the night a few friends had joked – ‘what about downward dogs!’ I laughed, thinking to myself, surely we wouldn’t be doing downward dogs in the nude, what if someone looked up!
I was excited because I saw this as a true act of shedding fear and vulnerability in my mind and my body. I saw it as a beautiful space to connect women together and I was excited to see what energy would be created. I wanted to continue on my little experiment within my hips. I wrote here about how I feel I hold all my emotions and stress in my hips and this seemed the perfect way to unlock them a little further.
So I set my intention – let go of the fear and let whatever rises be. Feel into it and let it be.
We arrived at our mats and the journey began. Rosie had created such an incredible warm and inviting candle lit space for us to really explore our bodies and go on our own journeys.
We began with sharing our intentions to the group. I watched and listened to each women speaking from their heart with such truth and rawness. I felt like we were all witness to something remarkably powerful. Women letting go. Letting go of anything that doesn’t serve them and coming into their beautiful bodies full of love.
When we began the flow I found myself forgetting I was naked. I never felt exposed, I never felt nude. I felt full of love. Yes we did downward dogs, we did heart openers, we did hip openers. Rosie led us through a beautiful flow that left me feeling freeingly beautiful, not at all embarrassed.
I loved the way our bodies moved in the candlelight, sneaking glances around the room, every womans body looked exquisite. It truly made me reconnect and fall a little more in love with my own. I found a love for my curves. As Rosie said ‘Godesses have curves’. Yes we do, and that night I fell more in love with mine than I have before.
As the flow came to an end and we laid in Shavasana, I could feel everything. I hadn’t managed to escape my mind as much as I’d hoped, and I could feel all my emotions and fears surfacing. I could feel them rising, they were leaving my hips and rising up my body. I could feel them moving up to my throat, and there they stayed, circling my throat chakra. I felt completely blocked in my voice (This was not yet an aha moment, but oh it was coming).
We ended the evening in a circle where we shared our own experience. I hadn’t quite yet found the words to express what I was feeling, but I tried all the same. I could feel my throat, I could feel the waves of emotions that were going through me, I could feel so much. What these feelings were, I wasn’t quite yet sure.
I left that night feeling so much. Gratitude, love, self-love, connected, raw, vulnerable, safe, open, beautiful, energized, heavy. That was my word – heavy. I felt heaviness within me. I usually leave yoga with a floating feeling. But here I was feeling heaviness. I felt so many conflicting emotions, I felt filled with love and openness, but at the same time heavy and grounded.
I sat with it all night. Why had heaviness come into my body, why had my emotions moved up to my throat. I decided to embrace it with love and learn from it. The old me would suppress this feeling and do all I can to run from it. Instead I saw this as my intention coming to fruition. I had intented to let everything shed, all my fears, all my vulnerabilities, and open up my body. I wanted to learn everything I could. I wanted to feel everything I could. Oh and feeling I was.
I felt everything. It was a sleepless night Sunday night and Monday was an unsettling day. But I stayed with it, I listened to it, I honoured my body and whatever it was trying to tell me. The emotion had moved from my throat to the pit of my stomach. I felt like everything was stirring inside of me.
I came to learn what I was feeling, I was feeling all my fear centered around my voice.
Starting this blog has been one of the most vulnerable things I’ve done recently, and letting you hear my voice. A voice I never thought mattered much. A voice I never spoke out about. A voice I haven’t had much confidence to stand up for over the years.
I have for a long time been called ‘Switzerland’ in my family. The peace-maker, the easy-going one. I’d never thought much about it, but my beautiful family had unknowingly given me a role I hadn’t wanted, and one I had taken on.
But I don’t want to be Switzerland anymore I don’t want to be the peace maker. I want to speak out of turn, I want to piss someone off, I want to speak truths, I want speak my truth and I want to own my truths, I want to be heard (this was my aha moment!) and this is why it has been such a vulnerable experience sharing this blog with people in my life. I’m putting myself out there, everything about me, and everything I am. It’s fucking scary at times, but also one of the most empowering things I’ve done. I’ve learnt to find my voice, I’ve learnt to listen to it and harness it and speak from my heart.
I can sincerely say Rosie’s class was everything and more I had hoped for. It was one of the most soul nourishing experiences I’ve had. I’ve already looked into her next workshop dates! Life is a journey, and if I hadn’t opened myself up to the fears that were burying themselves deep inside me, what would I be holding myself back from? I can’t wait to see what I uncover next nude yoga class.
If you want to experience one of Rosies women only nude yoga classes (she also does couples, but I couldn’t quite get Tom along), then head to her website and find the dates when she’s in your city. It was one of the most love-filled experiences, and if you get the chance, grab a ticket and I encourage you to shed the layers and try it out.
If you have any questions feel free to ask away
Much much love
(image from @nude_yogagirl)